it hurts

watching couple videos at midnight.waiting to video call you . i miss you so fucking much bby . i miss those times when u called me ur princess . the times when i feel loved by u , it was the best feeling i've ever felt in my life .i can tear for u , cry my eyes out . my whole life , this is the first time i cried so much for someone.u made me cry u made me laugh , u made me blush . i love u so much , i feel inferior . im fatter than all the pretty teenage girls . im not as pretty as compared to the teens , im not up to ur standard. im dumb , i hardly get to play back with u becos im so fucking bloody stupid . spooning with u , i really i wish u're next to me . sleepovers and stuff , chalets and stuff .i love u bby , sometimes u're always hurting me by talking to the other girls but then i realize i do hurt u at times. love u bby

love u

things got clarified , u're hopefully not lying to me ... i hope . i wanna call u tonight but wel... not such a good idea, chinese paper tmr . flunked eng paper today but i hope i'll pass. let's see bout tmr's paper :/ yesterday i was being an emotional bitch and i think i accidentally got u upset . u hit ur head and i didn't know how to comfort u . u said i was ur miss perfect and i wasn't fat . two compliments in a row . idk if its even true or not . i love u bby , i hope u love me back too:( u nvrfail to brighten my day and i cant cant can't wait for eoy to faster finish and i can finally meet up with u ... or maybe not :-( maybe by the end of eoy , you have gone to another girl , i hope not . i really pray . stay by me bby , i wanna wait for the perfect time to cuddle with u . i hope u'ill ask me out soon after eoy . miss u so bloody much . ur hands are heavy over my shoulder but u bring me comfort and warmth . love u bby , so much . cant wait for our vry first midnight movie . or maybe u're just playing with me . i wish u can just be straightforward . if u don't love me , can i be ur girl best friend? :(i wish , i pray . maybe ur 'love u' , 'princess' , 'baby' is just nothing , i hope not though . ily bby

memories

first time : 7th sep 2013
met you after the via project at greenwhich with ur friends , it was such an awkwardly beautiful moment. clearly im aware that im saliva conscience , i drank from ur straw and ate from ur fork .u bought me "awfully choco's" chocolate cake . im pretty sure im deeply in love with u . caught u smoking , hurt so much but you always cheer me up in the end although u were the cause of me getting hurt time and again.

second time : tuesday on sep holiday week
met u after sch in my sch outfit ,  no sweaty hands , nothing . best feeling , such a happy time but u actually made me wait for u for almost an hour ? or was it longer :-( don't feel loved . went back to put my bag and change to slippers . we walked all around aimlessly and sat at the void deck in the end . sat there , extremely boring but yet entertaining becos im with u . played with ur shoe and in the end saw the palaroid in ur wallet , i felt like i was stabbed everywhere . it hurt me so much :-( felt worse , but the  memories i have is just perfect with u . u taught me how to erase the ants track and u kept touching my head which makes my heart beat ten times faster. we sat there and while i was trying to get back my wallet , i was leggit on u without knowing . u were so warm , i just wanted to lie on ur lap and fall asleep with u next to me , it started raining , we were stranded there and i was happy but i suppose that u wanted to leave . cuddles , hugs , u are perfect to me , the reason why i love u is all that we've been through. even though we didn't make it through , ill always be here for u . i love u bby :-(

third time : sunday night on sept holiday week
last min meet up again and ur friends were there . i had to smell the horrifying smoke but tried to avoid the smell , thank almighty God that u didn't smoke when i was with u . supreme shirt and acid light washed shorts . bus ride , u asked me to sit next to u , ur hand on my chair but not on my shoulder , heart beating fast X100 alr . u and ur friend were talking bout something then we went to eat ice cream , ur treat again , vanilla ice cream . u fed me when ur friend left and i was like leggit dying alr . took bus back , sat at the back of a merc benz bus . u placed ur over on my shoulder and touched my face and my lips . playing or do u really love me ? love me for me or ur ex...? i was so confused if u even have one in the first place.

24th sep (today) :
i miss him so much , i just wish he's sitting next to me and i can cuddle with him . it's so icy cold and he's body is so warm . i wanna b sunder his arms in such a temperature . i love u so much , i've been confused about so many things . i'm also dying to meet u but exa,s are here T.T im also dying to chat with u on tango or facetime , anything will do . listening ur voice , being next to u , talking to u and of course seeing u is my biggest wish apart from safety for everyone and to do well in my studies . i hop u do well and u can go to express and ill remain in normal academic and we get to go to the same jc or poly :-( please study hard and not be so naughty bby :-( although no one is even seeing this ... i love u bby , i miss ur sweet mesasages , calling me ur princess was the best gift i've ever received. maybe ill invite u over for christmas ? maybe maybe i miss u bby i miss u so bloody much i wanna just cry now. love you bby bi really do T.T sorry for being me , im not worth ur love i guess . please dont play with me :-( ill be broken even more if u hurt me cos u mean so much to me now . i love u so much i really do

hohoho

awaiting for ur call once again :-( shld i call u ? what if u get irritated? anyways ... today CCE project was a bomb diggity ! got to talk to boys from perth , sydney and yeah ! interview didn't go too smoothly becos we got "chased: out of cp but wtv hahahah. yeah im gonna bathe noww byee hahah

faint

today was such a hectic day. the chinese opera show was meaningless but during that period of time , it was like as if my mind was under maintenance . darius , once again , is being so mean . i know he's tired and all but when i'm tired , i stay up late and force myself to smile for him but maybe he doesn't 'love' me as much as i 'love' him. i hope he's feeling happier now though :-( tmr! it's teacher's day AND hazels birthday! shld i tell darius it's her birthday tmr ? i'd be very jelly if he wishes her a happy birthday though T.T
the next day ... aparently i video called him yesterday and forgot about blogging . how cute can he get . love u darius :-( but sadly u're not replying me maybe cuz u're busy or something :-( tty soon kay? i'm talking to myself . ok wtv hahah

cheeky

you're back to ur cheeky self . i guess .. or maybe its just that im in a good mood. geez im gonna have pimples and i'm just gonna be super upset T.T but wtv hahah . school life in school , not the best but the fun part is making new friends and stuff. 7th sep , it's coming in like a few days.. too lazy to count but yeah.. hahah anyways i;m using my laptop in class.. ooops but i'm doing my project so i guess that's fine hehe. i feel so happy today , good weather and not too may subject to study today . 2 more weeks till the final exams! excited but stressed . geez . i didn't know time flies when u're not having fun ... gosh. anyways .darius can u please come on sat :-( but can u please bloody hell not flirt OHMYGOSH seriously ? ok u're not mine , so wtv but T.T bohuuu i dont wan u to flirt pleaseeee :-( hais . see u then , if i even get to see u T.T not in a sad moood to blog so i shall end here . see ya friend... aka. blog hahah

how "great" !

must u? really?!?! u're like DROP DEAD GORGEOUS , yeah i know that , its extremely clear ! but really ! must you come on saturday?!??! it's meant to be for us , not anyone older than us . URGH! what if darius decides to come and TADAA well done girl! u've caught his attention . perfect skills , perfect face , perfect body , perfect perfect perfect! u're sooooo perfect , all the guys including darius will be STARING  at u. well the end i guess. yesterday u finally sent me kisses again , i miss ur sweet messages so much , u don't even know. but no more babe no more princess . Everything disappeared already , i miss u so much . i wanna cuddle with u right now , the weather i perfect . i know i am slow at understanding things but now i understand what u mean now . "overwhelm you with my smell" are u implying that u're hugging me ? idk , i wish that is what u mean . or maybe it's just what i want , or wish for. but seriously , i hardly get the chance to see him and u just have to come on sat ? when he might be there . i'm leggit gonna cry if u flirt with my friends , or any girl basically . i hate u for making me like u and disappearing . but i love u too much , i should stop . im not me anymore , but its not ur fault for that , i changed myself . to a person that has someone she really likes . love u bby :-( i wish we had a topic to talk about . love u so much :-( although we're just friends . but u're more than a friend to me. i wanna open ur heart and see what u're actually thinking about. okay bye ;-(

10 months

It all started out with hatred . "Can the both captains from both teams shake hands please!" ,  "oh , what a bother" i thought . Taking forever to just exchange a handshake with me , i was beyond pissed off with you . First impression , you were just a nerdy boy , one year younger than me. Not thinking much about anything else , a few days later , the "three musketeers"including me went to catch a movie , most amazing show (now you see me) . 3 of us happily queueing up for the tickets and the three of you stood there beside "land" (computer gaming station). I saw the "white shirt guy" (my besties "husband") and my little "son" but apparently , you were not even in my view . No memories seeing you , i'm not sure why , not sure at all . Unaware of the fact that you 3 were actually watching the same movie at the same time (WOW!). Got home and posted a photo of us 3 , the musketeers . Awhile later , you commented on my photo on instagram . "Ahhhhh i saw u guys" , i didn't know u then ... but now i find that super cute :-( then u asked if i had instamessage and tadaa we started talking there then in short we fought cause i found u irritating and maybe u did too but idk . i introduced u to ally and u asked me to create a group with myself inside , accidentally , i gave u my number too . we fought then suddenly i felt like i missed u ... but idk why , i always tot i hated u so much . then we started talking in whats app. many times i was jealous cause my vb mates are so gorgeous and im not, i tot u would like them better , asked u to talk to them instead , i utterly regretted so badly. my apple likes u too , what do i do ?  we've been talking for 10 WEEKS but now ... its like as if everything was gone . i wished u could be next to me sometimes and i can cuddle with u (appropriately) hahah but it was just something i wish but won't happen.  everytime u fall , i wanna be with u but u end up going cycling instead . WOW! what a great fall . i miss u so bloody much , i wanna hug u and tell u how much i miss u and all those beautiful memories . calling me ur princess , sending me sweet messages , goodnight , good morning . calling me babe (first time) , calling u my precious baby :-( extremely precious . i used to think you were not my type but now i just find u 100% perfect , wtv u do , you're just perfect . wanting to have a body as good as ur ex , but im also doing the fitness routine for my own good . wishing i was half as pretty as ur ex. being jealous because you talk to girls although i shouldn't be because i dont even have the rights to do so . your facebook "accept relationship" im definitely not a desperate girl , i accepted it cos i was trying to see if you'e trying to play with me . but in the end u claimed that it was just ur friend. wanting to comfort u when ur friends have hurt u . esp that deodorant guy. but maybe i dont even deserve a place in ur heart . maybe i was just a replacement of ur ex . or maybe u were just lonely , 10 bloody weeks . yesterday it was just goodmornings . today too .what about tmr ? i so bloody wish u can come this coming saturday for the volleyball match , please come . this is actually very retarded cause no ones reading this exept me . its sp nice to finally splurge everything out . well , u changed me . definitely , but im happier being the person u changed me to . i miss you darius :-( i really do . if you see this, i guess its .... creepy? cause this is meant for no one to see , i just had to say everything out . love u bby :-( i love u for u , but do you ? i wanna see u , maybe you will just flirt with my other friends.